<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Bittersweet by KwonhoshisHOE</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26009644">Bittersweet</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KwonhoshisHOE/pseuds/KwonhoshisHOE'>KwonhoshisHOE</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bottom Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Character Death, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg, Top Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:42:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26009644</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KwonhoshisHOE/pseuds/KwonhoshisHOE</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Soonyoung and Jihoon lost their first child, how will they be able to cope up with the loss?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Bittersweet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If you'll ask Soonyoung and Jihoon what's the best thing that has ever happened to them in their one whole year of marriage, they'll both answer Jihoon's pregnancy. Soonyoung felt like he won a lottery when the younger first broke out the news to him, they've been trying out for a few a times already, thankfully the heavens had decided to bestow them a blessing.</p><p>It was a one fine evening during Jihoon's fourth month of pregnancy when Soonyoung found himself seated beside his husband on their living room and his groups of friends gathered around them.</p><p>"Sooo~ What will you be naming her or him?" Jeonghan giggled as he placed a hand on the top of Jihoon's small baby bump which made him smile softly.</p><p>"Bruno Mars."</p><p>Everyone blinked, Soonyoung looked at him with his mouth still wide open, "erm Hoonie, I know you love Bruno Mars but--"</p><p>"And we're definitely not naming him Shinee." Jihoon cut him off immediately, making Soonyoung gasp in disbelief.</p><p>"Why not?! Shinee is such a cute name!"</p><p>Their group of friends watch them bicker like they always do, what's new anyways? They're already used to it. It's Jihoon and Soonyoung. Their highschool versions would never thought and would never imagine in their wildest dreams that the two would end up marrying each other, but of course expect the unexpected right? Destiny worked its magic, making the biggest plot twist of their lives. Surprise, they just suddenly saw the two eating each other's face one evening during their senior year.</p><p>After a few minutes of arguing over a silly thing they finally decided to stop. Jihoon excused himself leaving Soonyoung with their friends. Soonyoung offered to help him but Jihoon refused, still prideful sa always.</p><p>"So what do you like better? A baby boy or a baby girl?" Seungcheol decided to broke out the awkward silence, giving Soonyoung his famous gummy smile, he's as excited as the two parents and for sure Soonyoung and Jihoon's child would the bestfriend of his and Jeonghan's newly born son, who is by the way sleeping on his stroller.</p><p>"To be honest hyung, either way would be fine as long as we're naming him or her Shinee." Soonyoung replied, laughing on the process, "just kidding! What I actually meant is either way would be fine as long as he or she would be healthy." He let out a small cheeky grin, he can't help but imagine his and Jihoon's little version running around the house, pestering them to wake up early on the weekends and they would go out on family dates together.</p><p>"I'm really happy for you hyung, I hope someday Wonwoo and I could have a baby too!" Mingyu blurted out, earning a light slap from his fiancee who he eventually kissed on the lips making Soonyoung gesture like he's vomiting that resulted to Mingyu throwing him a crumpled tissue paper while sticking his tounge out. They've been playing around like that till a sharp scream from the bathroom disrupted their playfulness,</p><p>"SOONYOUNG! H-HELP!"</p><p>Soonyoung bolted out from his seat and swiftly made his way to the bathroom, their friends following him shortly afterwards. They all found Jihoon panting, hardly catching his own breath, leaning himself on the sink, pain drawn all over his face while clutching his tummy and a trail of crimson colored liquid flowing down on his legs.</p><p>The next thing that they knew, Jihoon's already lying on a hospital bed. Staring on the white ceiling while crying non stop silently. Soonyoung's sitting beside him, his head hung low and he felt his throat dried up already. He can't believe what's happening. The baby they've been longing to have, the one they are anticipating and so excited about is now gone. Soonyoung's been silent the whole time and even though he is not crying, you could easily feel the sorrow and grief he is feeling right now.</p><p>"This is my fault," Jihoon broke out with his hoarse voice, "Soonyoung, I am so sorry, I can't give you the family you wanted."</p><p>This is the the first time Soonyoung saw his husband as vulnerable as this, he knew Jihoon as someone strong. Ever since he first met him during their 9th grade he knew him as someone small but terrible, someone who wouldn't cry as much as this but it's indeed another story when it's about your child. There's no other thing running on his mind right now but a series of curses and phrases about blaming himself. </p><p>--------------------------------</p><p>It was already exactly 10:10 pm Jihoon looked around the house, twisting the door knob of a white door, making sure that Soonyoung was no where to be seen before entering the dark room. He carefully closed the door as silent as he could. As he turned on light, the spacious room became all too familiar to him again. The room's walls were painted with Rose quartz and those bongbongie caricatures as Mingyu calls them, while the ceiling was decorated with Serenity colored drawings of diamonds. Children's toys were scattered all over the floor, but they had never been touched by a child's hands. A cabinet stood on the farthest part of the room near the door, filled with blankets and baby clothes, but they too had never been used. Finally, just below the window was a crib, an empty crib.</p><p>Jihoon gulped nervously as he made his way near the crib to take a peek on it, for the millionth time now, hoping that it would ease his pain even just for a bit, as expected it's empty, there's no baby inside it. He began to run his fingers over the smooth, beautifully carved wood, beautiful star carvings.</p><p>Jihoon stopped running his fingers over the carvings of the crib to grip one of its bars tightly. He could feel tears starting to form again on his eyes, threatening to fall as his right hand automatically made its way to caress his now flat tummy. The stitches were gone, but the painful memories weren't, it's been months now but he can't seem to fathom why the sorrow and agony can't leave him alone. It seems like they will forever be imprinted in his memories.</p><p>He stopped gripping the crib's bar and leaned down to pick up one of the toys that was nearby. He stood straight again once he had it in his free hand, since the other one was still resting on his tummy. He looked at the toy bitterly, it was a groot doll he bought, a groot doll he and Soonyoung bought when they first discovered that he was pregnant. Jihoon hugged it as he finally let the tears fall from his small eyes. He could feel his body tremble slightly as he tried to control his sobs.</p><p>Suddenly, he felt a prescence behind him which made him turn around, still hugging the Groot plushie with tear stricken face, he gasped in shock as he saw Soonyoung on the doorway frowning at him and anger visible on his tiger like eyes.</p><p>"S-Soonyoung I-I-" Jihoon stuttered, his hand which was placed on the top of his tummy earlier made its way to wipe away his tears.</p><p>"What are you doing in here?" Soonyoung immediately cut him off with an icy voice, enough to send shivers on his spine. He really hate seeing Soonyoung like this, because unbeknownst everyone, the older is much more scarier than him when he is angry.</p><p>With that he hastily averted Soonyoung's gaze, "I just wanted to look, Soons.. I just wanted to look."</p><p>The taller's eyes went downcast, he gasped for air before raising his voice, "Get out... Now!"</p><p>Jihoon flinched with that and quickly walked past the taller male and out of the room, still holding the plushie in his arms. Soonyoung's eyes remained on the floor, his lips quivering already and his fists curled up into a fist.</p><p>The smaller male made his way into their room, which was just right across from the baby's room. He leaned against the wall for a moment before letting himself slide down to the floor on his knees. He hugged the groot plushie which is now wet with his tears.</p><p>Ever since the baby died, Soonyoung had been distancing himself from Jihoon. It was as though Soonyoung's old cheerful self had been burried together with their child. He can no longer see those cheeky smiled nor hear his horrible laugh that became a music to his ears already. Soonyoung was now spending most of his time in the dancing studio. He would only accompany Jihoon during their meal times but even then, Soonyoung wouldn't be paying any attention to Jihoon, just silently eating his food. When he did speak, it felt so empty. Although he never hit Jihoon, or verbally abuse him, the younger can't help but felt hurt by the older's cold shoulder and silence. Sometimes he'd wonder if this change in Soonyoung's behavior was hatred being directed towards him. Was Soonyoung blaming him for what happened to the baby? Was he implying that it was his fault? He can't help but overthink at times. Honestly speaking, he was already blaming himself for the death of their own child but he doesn't need Soonyoung to pummel that fact to him more.</p><p>He continued to weep in silence. He missed his husband's cheerfulness, his stupid antics, his clinginess and last but not the least... his smile, his smile that could literally light up his whole world.</p><p>-------------------</p><p>Soonyoung was now standing alone on the empty room, staring at the empty crib. He gritted his teeth angrily as tears started falling out of his eyes too, "I-I'm s-sorry! I'm sorry I can't protect you... Sorry...I should have taken care more of you and your papi."</p><p>"Fuck it!" He sat down on the floor, gripping on the cradle's bars tightly, banging his head on it as he let his tears freely flow out of his eyes. He only stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, a loving touch he had memorized already. He looked up and saw Jihoon who was still holding the groot plushie in his arms. He is smiling bitterly to Soonyoung, "Soons, I know that you told me to leave this room, but I wanted to see what was taking you so long."</p><p>He received no response but only saw Soonyoung wiping his tears off of his face.</p><p>"Also, soons, we need to talk." added Jihoon.</p><p>The taller nodded for acknowledgement.</p><p>"I know that you blame me for what happened to our child..."</p><p>"What?!" Soonyoung looked at the younger with wide eyes despite it being red and puffy, what is Jihoon talking about? He never blamed him one bit on what happened.</p><p>"Please let us try again, give me a chance to give you a child again. That way you can have a child like what you always wanted, I know you're longing to have one since your parents died. And if you want, I... I will leave so that the child will only be with you... You probably don't want someone like me around the child anyway..." Jihoon muttured as he found himself crying again, when suddenly he felt a warm pair of arms engulfed him and embraced him just like he used to do. He could feel Soonyoung's tears as the older buried his face in his shoulder.</p><p>"No! What the hell are you talking about Jihoon! No one's going to leave and I've never blamed you about the miscarriage. Why would you think of that?! Don't you know that I love you?!" Soonyoung didn't care how childish he sounded right now, he wanted to know where the shorter male had gotten such morbid thoughts.</p><p>"I thought that because... You were always so quiet and you don't smile like you used to, and you've been pushing me away, so I thought that maybe you... hated me." Jihoon could feel tears welling up in his eyes but he didn't allow them to fall. He felt Soonyoung's arms around him tightened his embrace before pulling away so they could look into each other's eyes. Jihoon was startled to see a lot of tears covering Soonyoung's attractive face.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I was so stupid, it wasn't my intention for you to feel like that babe. Truth is, I've been blaming myself for what happened."</p><p>Jihoon bit his quivering lip as his hands made its way to cup Soonyoung's cheeks, "You know you've done nothing wrong."</p><p>Soonyoung put his own hand over Jihoon's. "And neither have you, so stop blaming yourself okay."</p><p>"Only if you do the same."</p><p>A small, sad but genuine smile appeared on both of their faces finally, "Deal."</p><p>"I want to have a family with you Jihoon. And if anything bad happens, we'll get through it together, right?" Soonyoung said as he enclosed both of Jihoon's hands on his and peppered it with kisses.</p><p>Jihoon nodded in return. "Of course."</p><p>----------------------------</p><p>Once again, Soonyoung found himself resting his head against Jihoon's round tummy. This time the baby had reached her fifth month inside Jihoon's tummy and yes it's a "her", they will be having a baby girl! Like they both wanted. Jihoon was actually quite happy because it looked as though soonyoung was returning to his former self. He was laughing again and talking again nonstop. So far fate had smiled down on them and granted their wish of having another child.</p><p>"I don't know but I am really sure that this child will survive." Jihoon said out of the blue, looking up at the newly painted pink ceilings.</p><p>"I hope so, Hoonie I hope so." Soonyoung said in return. He placed a soft kiss on Jihoon's baby bump and rested his cheek against it so he could feel his daughter's kicks. If this baby were to die as well, Soonyoung had no idea what he would do. He knew his world would stop again and that his heart would eventually be shattered again for the second time but he is also certain that no matter what happens, he would still have Jihoon by his side to offer him comfort and to share his feelings so he wouldn't have the burden of carrying them by himself.</p><p>Then, right in the middle of the ninth month, the time to become parents came. It was during the evening. Jihoon was quietly sitting on their balcony when he felt his stomach contract painfully and something wet trickle down his leg. He screamed for Soonyoung's help, who practically ran as fast as he could when he heard him shout. He grabbed the car keys under his pillow, and drove his way to the hospital.</p><p>"Just a little more patience Jihoon, Don't worry we're already near the hospital" Soonyoung assured, trying his best to mantain calm even though deep inside he felt like hyperventilating already.</p><p>Jihoon placed a comforting hand on the top of Soonyoung's hand on the steering wheel and his own pair of eyes made its way too look at Soonyoung lovingly, "Babe, if anything happens to me, don't blame the child, love her, okay?"</p><p>Soonyoung felt his heart stopped when he heard that but he gave Jihoon a smile nonetheless as he kept his eyes on the road. "Jihoon, stop being negative okay? What are you talking about?  You and our little Soonji would be fine and I promise to love her, Why wouldn't I?"</p><p>Jihoon could only smile through the pain.</p><p>-------------</p><p>Soonyoung found himself pacing the hallway. Seungcheol who is hugging his husband, Jeonghan, who is as equally as nervous as Soonyoung, is watching him walk back and forth. Who can blame him? Their first child died and he can't afford for that to happen again. Negative thoughts is starting to flood his mind and he swear to God he'll go nuts any minute by now.</p><p>"Calm down Soons okay? Just trust Ji. Didn't he say that he is sure that the baby will survive this time?" Seungcheol gave a thumbs up, Soonyoung returned the gesture with a smile however he can't help but feel uneasy, only heaven knows how painful it was for them when their first child didn't make it. Something else is also bothering him, a gut feeling that he never ever want to come into a reality.</p><p>Soonyoung then felt like his whole world stopped when he saw the delivery room's door open, a nurse appeared then. He immediately walked to her direction and bombarded her with questions.</p><p>"How did it go? Is my husband doing okay? Is our daughter alive? Can I see them? Why aren't you answering me?"</p><p>"Mr. Kwon, please calm down for a moment would you? One question at a time," the nurse replied.</p><p>"Sorry."</p><p>The nurse inhaled deeply. She is slightly quivering, Soonyoung has a bad feeling about this. Why is she acting like she's about to spill something really tragic? Why is so hard to answer his questions?</p><p>"So, how's my husband and my daughter? Are they okay?" pressed Soonyoung.</p><p>Soonyoung titled his head in confusion because the nurse avoided eye contact with him and she started shaking more nervously than before, that's when it hit Soonyoung.</p><p>'No... God, please no... Not again.' He thought.</p><p>"Mr. Kwon I am afraid Mr. Jihoon Kwon, your husband didn't make it."</p><p>With that, Soonyoung froze. He heard his friends started screaming and weeping most especially Seungkwan but none of it mattered now.</p><p>He stood there for a good few minutes glued on his spot before all of it started to sink in to him. His hands started shaking the nurse unconciously. He's probably out of his mind by now, "you're only joking right?! Jihoon can't die! He-- He-- Jihoon! My Jihoonie is a strong man! You got to be kidding me! It's not april first yet! Why- why?!"</p><p>"Sir--"</p><p>"LET ME SEE THE O.B! I WANT TO SEE MY HUSBAND ALIVE AND WELL--"</p><p>He wouldn't stop till he felt Seokmin and Chan pulled him away from the frightened nurse, who immediately ran away from them as soon as his friends held him back. He felt like his whole world now crumbled into pieces, he couldn't believe what's happening. His life support, his comfort, his solace and the reason of his existence is now gone. He refused to believe this is the reality. If this is only nightmare then can someone please wake him up.</p><p>------------------------</p><p>"I want papi to hear the song that I composed." A six year old girl said happily, bouncing on the passenger seat. Soonyoung can't help but smile bitterly while watching his own daughter smile from the head mirror, she is a spitting image of Jihoon, the only thing she got from soonyoung are her round and chubby cheeks. He loves her dearly but he can't help but get hurt whenever he see Jihoon on her. </p><p>"For sure Papi would be proud of you!"</p><p>"You think so daddy?"</p><p>"Of course!"</p><p>It's been years now yet the pain is still fresh, to be honest if it weren't for their daughter he would kill himself in instant already so that he could finally meet up with Jihoon and be with him again but just as he promised he would take care of Soonji and that he would make her feel like a princess. He knows that Jihoon is now proudly watching them from above.</p><p>"We'll see each other again someday Jihoon, I love you, maybe in our second life we'll have a chance to live as a happy family together."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So I uploaded another AU again that I uploaded on another site! This story was written after re-reading a lot of angst stories back then hahaha! Did some minor revisions on this one as well.</p><p>Again thanks for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>